If I've requested to follow you, it's probably because someone boosted you and it made me laugh, and laughing at things is one of my favorite things to do on the internet, and I also like to cut out the middle-person and pass the savings on to me

We have all these new video conferencing systems and not a single one that can finish a call and then put a big “END TRANSMISSION” on the screen with some kind of friendly but subtly ominous logo

In the elevator is a sign that tells you what floor you’re on. It changes as you pass each floor. You might think you know where it’s going, but it manages to keep you in suspense. If I’m going up, what comes after “B3?” Or, I’m going to 2… but wait! We are stopping at 1! Never saw that coming! And it’s inspiring really, to find such moments in the mundane.

When I’m down, I find it quite uplifting.

Bidets should have options like at the self serve car wash. Turn the knob for high pressure rinse, high pressure soap, deep cleansing, degreasing, waxing, polishing, spot-free rinse…

John Burwell aka deet shared 4 months ago

Imagine if you will a place beyond space and time. A dimension not of sight or sound but of cat farts. You have entered… the Cat Fart Zone.

We love you, we all do. But we need to talk to you about your software habit. You’re using too much software

Is the internet out of news for anyone else? I can’t get any new news over here

Is this anything? Updated recreational activity signs…

I have experienced being rejected by Rowsdower.

And in that, I have witnessed the strength of Rowsdower, the beauty of Rowsdower, the wisdom of Rowsdower.

And now I see that Rowsdower’s rejection is ultimately Rowsdower’s warmest blessing.

Thank you, Rowsdower.

John Burwell aka deet shared 4 months ago

Cutesy web apps being all like "Hey there!" with the "wave" emoji or the "hugs" emoji, seriously make me want to stiff-arm a hippie kid trying to shove a pamphlet at me on a busy sidewalk in a college town. Fuck that. Bring me the hocking drink specials after hours downtown vibe. Bring me the catcalls from hookers on the Vegas strip vibe. If you want me signing up for a free trial of your SaaS-ass shitty web app, then goddammit quit pretending we're being polite. Get right down to it already. Let's get drunk and horny before you go for my wallet and personally-identifiable information

Are we committed to 2023? What other options have we considered?

John Burwell aka deet shared 4 months ago

[DAY 3 SINCE ARRIVING AT VALHALLA] :sigh: Leftovers again?

Reminder: the city has asked residents not to drip their faucets, to help maintain proper water pressure on my bidet

John Burwell aka deet shared 5 months ago

People aren’t talking enough about what they do with all the sleeves they cut off to make fleece vests. Where do they go? Why can’t you buy them? What is Big Fleece hiding??

John Burwell aka deet shared 5 months ago

Chaos may be a ladder, but ladders can lead down as well as up. They can also be lashed together and used as bridges across icy crevasses. You can fall off them and die before anyone even notices. Your irretrievable corpse will then be a part of the mountain for the rest of time. That's a bad use of a ladder. Do not use the chaos ladder in that way